A World Within Her Dreams

There are things not meant for mortal eyes. Online playground of a twisted soul. The fantasies of a little girl, all in one place. You have been warned.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Philippines License.

This blog and everything in it is my property otherwise noted. Read this disclaimer before anything else. I don't force you to read or agree with what I put or write here, so if you see something you don't like, you are more than welcome to close this window. Of course if you do see something you like, you're not allowed to copy, reproduce or take it without my consent—a simple tagboard message about it will do. Break these simple rules and you'll prove yourself to being the biggest ass in the world.

And please bear with the grammatical and typographical errors here. If there's one thing I hate aside from math and glue is copyreading, proofreading, or anything that has to do with checking whatever I've written, really.

The Unwakeable Dreamer

ユキ. Cattleya. Chantal. 17. Taurean. Vain. Narcissistic. Fangirl. Dreamer. Devious. Childish. Clumsy. Has an incredibly short attention span. Stubborn. Misunderstood. Roman Catholic. 大日本異端芸者; the GazettE worshipper. Undisputed HYDEist. Yaoi. Incest. Artist. Writer. Web/graphics designer. Otaku. RPer. Certified fangirl. Worth $2,135,822. II - ICTM. Hates Loathes anything Korean and hiphop.

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Yume no Naka's Perfect Moment

32nd layout of Yume no Naka. Features HYDE and his lyrics. Shades of blue, pink, white and lavender. Used Adobe Photoshop CS2 as the image editor. Coding was made on Notepad. Div layers. Some elements might not be compatible with IE. Best viewed in Mozilla Firefox with a 1024x768 screen resolution. Go to past layouts?

Resources for this layout were from the following: Cbox, Colorfilter, DaFont, iMood, Miss M, Photobucket, Selphie's World, Tabulas, and Tenshi no Koe.

And no, as much as I want to be, I am not associated with the sexy man in this layout. I am merely a fan and this is my expression of adoration to him.

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Okay, so I'm doing a year-ender special too. I'm still ranting about piss though.

Well yesterday after going to Saint Claire's Monastery (or whatever it's actually called), we went to SM Centerpoint to buy some fruits and stuff. After having lunch there, of course, I had to go to the washroom. The lady before me in the line, well, she annoyed me a bit because she was tying her hair up and her hair almost got all over my face. Nothing suss, I tell myself (WTH I'm using Aussie slang now xD). She got in, got out, and annoyed me the second time because she just had to show me that she flushed, meaning, it was still flushing when she got out. I dunno about you guys but I wait until the toilet water's all clean before stepping out of the cubicle. So yeah, I got in next, and whoop-dee-frickin'-do, there was a bit piss on the rim of the toilet bowl. Good thing I asked my mom for tissue before I went to the washroom. It was just... downright disgusting.

Okay, end rant, START SRS BZNS.

2008... hmm. I can't say I liked the year very much. Perhaps I'm only saying this because towards the end of the year, that's when so many things came crashing down. Still, I'm not crying because it happened, I'm ROFLMAOing because it's over. (Yeah, cheap use -- rather, misuse -- of corny quote.)

A lot's happened, though. At the start of 2008 I had the same image as the year before, still resolved to keep my hair long because, you know, girls like their hair long. Couldn't care less about clothing and would put on whatever's handy, though still arriving late at class. Still an anime/manga lover, obsessing over HYDE for all the wrong reasons, but never delving much into J-music. A rather normal otaku, I have to say.

At the middle of the year I got back into writing, RPing to be exact, got to write out some awesome characters (and sometimes I ask myself, why can't I be as [insert awesome adjective here] as my [insert character name here]?), made new OL friends making friends online is awesome. Got even more into yaoi, perhaps a little too much, but all's well that ends well. Received a LOT of blessings, too. Plus, this is when I started obsessing over oshare kei, got my hair cut, and suddenly changed into SUPAA KAWAII VEEKAY LOVAA DESU YO. And then there was the sudden pride due to being a past EIC in my high school's newspaper, all because it had 'The' and 'Gazette' too. If you didn't get it, I'm talking about my ZOMGZFANGIRLIIIING over the band the GazettE. Also started appreciating music a bit more.

And then crash and burn -- enter mild depression, self-pity due to self-analysis, and a whole lot of comparing and envy, most specifically in writing. So many wrong things happened, starting with the death of my iPod, ending with my failure (literally, LOL). Regardless, some things managed to keep my sanity and emotions intact, like being able to write some yaoi stories which, surprisingly, other people actually like, and the new community I belong to.

Above all else, I started feeling His presence a little bit better, though I have to confess I don't read the Bible on a daily basis xD

So many things happened, I can't possibly enumerate everything in here. There was the image change, the new obsession (and going through some heights for that obsession -- talking about spending thousands for a mere magazine, people), gain and loss of friends. Shit happened, and when I say that, I really mean serious shit. Maybe not to me, but to those whom I hold dearest. If I had the choice, I'd like to have started with everything bad towards everything good, December to January. But of course, He had His plans.

Suddenly there's just less than five hours until the new year. It's just another day, really, but once the second hand moves away from twelve, you know there's no coming back. Within that second, you can safely recall things and say, last year was this and that. And now I'm just rambling.

DAMN IT ALL I HATE FIREWORKS. THOSE HELLISH USELESS NOISE POLLUTERS SHOULD BE BANNED. Or at least, the Philippines should invest in quieter and prettier fireworks, like the ones in Japan. Did you know I have a hatred towards fireworks? Now you know. And I can't counter it because neither my Gazette or 12012 or Maximum the Hormone music aren't nearly as loud or annoying as that. Maybe for Mom, it is.

Now to resume headbanging to Zetsubou Billy, because I just learned how awesome MtH is.

Something really random ALWAYS tends to come up in here LOL

Quoting my Uruha on the Aoi/Uru fic that I'm currently writing (The Smile That You Wore), I say this:
 

BULLSHIT.

That is all.

Now I'll leave you all here now for I shall get ready to face my doom for the second time this school year (read: course card distribution). And then get wasted afterwards. And then write some more, because there's never enough gay fluff all over the world.

I can write Twilight too

Actually, I already have.

In this fabulous forum called Lielos, I write the character Takashima Kouyou, known as Uruha. He's an intelligent young man, indifferent to many things in the world, has a sharp tongue but that's only his frankness, but he doesn't know how to do anything with regards to household chores. He is clumsy at times.

Meet Camui Gackt, a 400 year-old vampire who suddenly took a liking to our beautifully tempting yet oblivious Uruha. On the first day they met there was some resistance by Uruha, but eventually he invited the ZOMGZ!HOT&GORGEOUS vampire over to his house for a 'drink.' NO MY URUHA IS NOT A WHORE, he's just unsure how to repay Gackt for treatung him to chocolate (haha). The night went by BUT NOTHING HAPPENED. Bitches think I've done something impure to my innocent Uruha *clings to pure Uruha muse*

Well it happened the morning after haha, I can't possibly resist a good smex thread xDD And Uruha was a virgin too xD

Uruha's a clumsy, intelligent, beautiful boy and Gackt's a hot, gorgeous, uber awesome vampire who refrains from eating Uruha (no he doesn't want to eat Uruha, because my Uruha would bitchslap him so hard he'd die again).

IT'S ALREADY TWILIGHT PEOPLE! ONLY, SEX HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO GUYS. But my Uruha is more beautiful than Bella whatsherface. And Gackt is more plausible AND HE DOESN'T FUCKING DAZZLE. Plus I write in the third person, and don't use the term 'liquid topaz eyes.' And our characters have substance, dammit! I dunno how the hell I'd be able to explain that, but still~

GOODNESS FUCKING CHRIST (ZOMGZ 神様 I'm so sorry for taking Your name in vain >_< ) I just read a part of the first chapter (I know I did this before, then set the book aside faster than you can say 'ah') and THIS IS THE WAY I WROTE WHEN I WAS FUCKING TWELVE.

Why am I not a ZOMGZ!great writer! yet the? ;_; Life is so unfair >>;; (HAHA FUCK IVORY-SKINNED GOT ME)

Compare this (italicized are my RP partner's posts):

There was less resistance towards Gackt's hand now; it seems that Uruha has calmed down a bit from his sudden aversion towards the other earlier. He let his hand drop down on the couch and looked at Gackt, smiling a bit. "Thanks." For a lot of things too: the gentle touch, the kindness, and the effort of putting up with him. 

"You're welcome." Gackt answered simply, even though he knew from Uruha's tone that the boy was referring to many things. He smiled back contently, his pale fingers sifting through the soft strands of Uruha's hair affectionately in his best attempt to help soothe the human through his touch.

"It's strange," the vampire whispered, "I can't seem but be this way with you." he mused, his fingers brushing over Uruha's cheek for a fleeting moment. He referred to this gentleness, this oddly deep amount of affection and care that he was coming to enjoy so much. 

Uruha closed his eyes and just savored the sweet, gentle touch that brushed onto his face. He smiled weakly once more and look towards Gackt's hand. "I find it strange that I feel the same way. Nobody's really come this close to me... figuratively and literally speaking," the boy admitted bitterly, letting out yet another one of his cute, child-like laughter. 

"I'll assume somehow that makes me a little bit special, then." Gackt teased, though inwardly he could feel part of him once again wanting to act on his impulses. He had to remind himself that this was a lot different than last night when Uruha had been intoxicated.

"Are you starting to like it?" he questioned, tilting his head, "Having me be close to you." 

"I suppose," Uruha answered, "I wouldn't let you this close if I didn't." Again, the boy doesn't know the repercussions of his words, but then again, this might lead into something he likes.

At that he reached for Gackt's hand on his face and put over his own. "See? I kinda feel a bit weird, but it feels really nice." At his own words he blushed, immediately taking his hand away. 

Gackt nodded, words lost on him for a moment. It was difficult, trying to resist someone who could do something so small as touch his hand to create a wealth of sudden tension within the vampire's body.

"What about this?" Gackt questioned, moving just a little bit closer, leaning in to brush his lips softly over Uruha's, "Strange but nice?" he teased softly, though clearly he took his action very seriously. 

As his whole body was already rendered weak by his hangover, Uruha didn't have any time to avoid Gackt's kiss, again incurring a myriad of emotions from within him. Yes, it was strange, very, very strange, and again his pride was shouting how disgusting it was to be weak enough to be kissed by another male. But then, it was also very nice, that small action brought good shivers down his spine.

Uruha simply stared wide-eyed at the other, plush lips partly open. 

Those posts are whipped for about less than 10 minutes each. And then we have this (I'm not fixing that anymore, if you wanna read it for yourself then download it here):

We sat at the end of a full table with several of her friends, who she introduced to me. I forgot all their names as soon as she spoke them. They seemed impressed by her bravery in speaking to me. The boy from English, Eric, waved at me from across the room.

It was there, sitting in the lunchroom, trying to make conversation with seven curious strangers, that I first saw them.

They were sitting in the corner of the cafeteria, as far away from where I sat as possible in the long room. There were five of them. They weren't talking, and they weren't eating, though they each had a tray of untouched food in front of them. They weren't gawking at me, unlike most of the other students, so it was safe to stare at them without fear of meeting an excessively interested pair of eyes. But it was none of these things that caught, and held, my attention.

They didn't look anything alike. Of the three boys, one was big — muscled like a serious weight lifter, with dark, curly hair. Another was taller, leaner, but still muscular, and honey blond. The last was lanky, less bulky, with untidy, bronze-colored hair. He was more boyish than the others, who looked like they could be in college, or even teachers here rather than students.

The girls were opposites. The tall one was statuesque. She had a beautiful figure, the kind you saw on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, the kind that made every girl around her take a hit on her self-esteem just by being in the same room. Her hair was golden, gently waving to the middle of her back. The short girl was pixielike, thin in the extreme, with small features. Her hair was a deep black, cropped short and pointing in every direction.

And yet, they were all exactly alike. Every one of them was chalky pale, the palest of all the students living in this sunless town. Paler than me, the albino. They all had very dark eyes despite the range in hair tones. They also had dark shadows under those eyes — purplish, bruiselike shadows. As if they were all suffering from a sleepless night, or almost done recovering from a broken nose. Though their noses, all their features, were straight, perfect, angular.

But all this is not why I couldn't look away. I stared because their faces, so different, so similar, were all devastatingly, inhumanly beautiful. They were faces you never expected to see except perhaps on the airbrushed pages of a fashion magazine. Or painted by an old master as the face of an angel. It was hard to decide who was the most beautiful — maybe the perfect blond girl, or the bronzehaired boy.

They were all looking away — away from each other, away from the other students, away from anything in particular as far as I could tell. As I watched, the small girl rose with her tray — unopened soda, unbitten apple — and walked away with a quick, graceful lope that belonged on a runway. I watched, amazed at her lithe dancer's step, till she dumped her tray and glided through the back door, faster than I would have thought possible. My eyes darted back to the others, who sat unchanging.

"Who are they ?" I asked the girl from my Spanish class, whose name I'd forgotten.

As she looked up to see who I meant — though already knowing, probably, from my tone — suddenly he looked at her, the thinner one, the boyish one, the youngest, perhaps. He looked at my neighbor for just a fraction of a second, and then his dark eyes flickered to mine.

He looked away quickly, more quickly than I could, though in a flush of embarrassment I dropped my eyes at once. In that brief flash of a glance, his face held nothing of interest — it was as if she had called his name, and he'd looked up in involuntary response, already having decided not to answer. My neighbor giggled in embarrassment, looking at the table like I did.

"That's Edward and Emmett Cullen, and Rosalie and Jasper Hale. The one who left was Alice Cullen; they all live together with Dr. Cullen and his wife." She said this under her breath.

I glanced sideways at the beautiful boy, who was looking at his tray now, picking a bagel to pieces with long, pale fingers. His mouth was moving very quickly, his perfect lips barely opening. The other three still looked away, and yet I felt he was speaking quietly to them.

Strange, unpopular names, I thought. The kinds of names grandparents had. But maybe that was in vogue here — small town names? I finally remembered that my neighbor was called Jessica, a perfectly common name. There were two girls named Jessica in my History class back home.

"They are… very nice-looking." I struggled with the conspicuous understatement.

Descriptions, what the fuck. DAMMIT, I WRITE BETTER THAN HER! THE AOI/URU FIC WRITERS I FOLLOW WRITE BETTER THAN ME, AND WAY BETTER THAN HER!

I'm betting the fic writers for Twilight write way better than SMeyer. OR ELSE WE'RE FUCKING DOOMED.

Okay I'll stop now because I'm virtually screaming at you people and that's not good for my heart. I shall make myself happy by going over jrockyaoi or aoi_x_uruha at LJ and maybe I'll find something to calm myself with there.

And please don't bitch to me about how big-headed I sound. I know in all honesty that I'm nowhere near a good writer but at least I am a decent writer. Allow my current RP to explain itself (partner's is in italics):

(A Brand New Photograph)

If you can write better than that then you may bitch. I shall acknowledge you properly then. Don't bitch to me though if you're just gonna glorify other people, because I already know others are better than me.

*runs off to read BETTER written yaoi fics nao*

Oh.

Gooooooooooooooooodness, I love Nico for being my friend. He's a profiler, you see, he seeks to know a person's patterns. I told him how I felt towards a certain friend, and, come to think about it, he was right. Asami was right, heck, even Kim was right (and he wasn't even saying anything to me). I was the only one naive to see how everything was, and somehow, this petty thing you did, is enough for me to make a decision.

I'm letting you go, I think I have no more reason to associate myself with you, not when you treat me like this. I don't understand why you do it (although Nico did give me reasons), but still. I can't believe I'm doing this, and perhaps I might not be able to tell you soon... or maybe I can. Not the best Christmas present for you, but at least it is for me.

Bry told me there are no reasons for me to keep a friend like that, regardless of the memories. I thought you were one of those whom I can really trust, but I suppose that's not the case anymore. I love you, I really do, but if you can't be honest with me, treat me as a real close friend like I do to you, never speak behind my back, there's just no reason to keep you. The little things you've done have taken a toll on me, I'm afraid.

Even if you do realize your wrongdoings, I'm not quite sure if I can trust you ever again.

---

In other news, I'd be putting up a summary of my week AFTER I FIGURE OUT THIS CASE STUDY/BAIL-OUT PROGRAM FOR DAT-BAS. LAKHSDKAJS IT'S MIND-FRYING.

---

In other news, I found something. Something more amusing than looking for Aoi/Uru pr0nz on the internet -- making enemies. ^^

Let me ju--AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

BITCH, PLZ.

I still dislike you from the bottom of my heart. Bow. xD

Revelations

Hakozume no Mokushi, meet world.

World, meet Hakozume no Mokushi.

I think you've been introduced to each other before, but meeh.