A World Within Her Dreams

There are things not meant for mortal eyes. Online playground of a twisted soul. The fantasies of a little girl, all in one place. You have been warned.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Philippines License.

This blog and everything in it is my property otherwise noted. Read this disclaimer before anything else. I don't force you to read or agree with what I put or write here, so if you see something you don't like, you are more than welcome to close this window. Of course if you do see something you like, you're not allowed to copy, reproduce or take it without my consent—a simple tagboard message about it will do. Break these simple rules and you'll prove yourself to being the biggest ass in the world.

And please bear with the grammatical and typographical errors here. If there's one thing I hate aside from math and glue is copyreading, proofreading, or anything that has to do with checking whatever I've written, really.

The Unwakeable Dreamer

ユキ. Cattleya. Chantal. 17. Taurean. Vain. Narcissistic. Fangirl. Dreamer. Devious. Childish. Clumsy. Has an incredibly short attention span. Stubborn. Misunderstood. Roman Catholic. 大日本異端芸者; the GazettE worshipper. Undisputed HYDEist. Yaoi. Incest. Artist. Writer. Web/graphics designer. Otaku. RPer. Certified fangirl. Worth $2,135,822. II - ICTM. Hates Loathes anything Korean and hiphop.

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Yume no Naka's Perfect Moment

32nd layout of Yume no Naka. Features HYDE and his lyrics. Shades of blue, pink, white and lavender. Used Adobe Photoshop CS2 as the image editor. Coding was made on Notepad. Div layers. Some elements might not be compatible with IE. Best viewed in Mozilla Firefox with a 1024x768 screen resolution. Go to past layouts?

Resources for this layout were from the following: Cbox, Colorfilter, DaFont, iMood, Miss M, Photobucket, Selphie's World, Tabulas, and Tenshi no Koe.

And no, as much as I want to be, I am not associated with the sexy man in this layout. I am merely a fan and this is my expression of adoration to him.

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I can write Twilight too

Actually, I already have.

In this fabulous forum called Lielos, I write the character Takashima Kouyou, known as Uruha. He's an intelligent young man, indifferent to many things in the world, has a sharp tongue but that's only his frankness, but he doesn't know how to do anything with regards to household chores. He is clumsy at times.

Meet Camui Gackt, a 400 year-old vampire who suddenly took a liking to our beautifully tempting yet oblivious Uruha. On the first day they met there was some resistance by Uruha, but eventually he invited the ZOMGZ!HOT&GORGEOUS vampire over to his house for a 'drink.' NO MY URUHA IS NOT A WHORE, he's just unsure how to repay Gackt for treatung him to chocolate (haha). The night went by BUT NOTHING HAPPENED. Bitches think I've done something impure to my innocent Uruha *clings to pure Uruha muse*

Well it happened the morning after haha, I can't possibly resist a good smex thread xDD And Uruha was a virgin too xD

Uruha's a clumsy, intelligent, beautiful boy and Gackt's a hot, gorgeous, uber awesome vampire who refrains from eating Uruha (no he doesn't want to eat Uruha, because my Uruha would bitchslap him so hard he'd die again).

IT'S ALREADY TWILIGHT PEOPLE! ONLY, SEX HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO GUYS. But my Uruha is more beautiful than Bella whatsherface. And Gackt is more plausible AND HE DOESN'T FUCKING DAZZLE. Plus I write in the third person, and don't use the term 'liquid topaz eyes.' And our characters have substance, dammit! I dunno how the hell I'd be able to explain that, but still~

GOODNESS FUCKING CHRIST (ZOMGZ 神様 I'm so sorry for taking Your name in vain >_< ) I just read a part of the first chapter (I know I did this before, then set the book aside faster than you can say 'ah') and THIS IS THE WAY I WROTE WHEN I WAS FUCKING TWELVE.

Why am I not a ZOMGZ!great writer! yet the? ;_; Life is so unfair >>;; (HAHA FUCK IVORY-SKINNED GOT ME)

Compare this (italicized are my RP partner's posts):

There was less resistance towards Gackt's hand now; it seems that Uruha has calmed down a bit from his sudden aversion towards the other earlier. He let his hand drop down on the couch and looked at Gackt, smiling a bit. "Thanks." For a lot of things too: the gentle touch, the kindness, and the effort of putting up with him. 

"You're welcome." Gackt answered simply, even though he knew from Uruha's tone that the boy was referring to many things. He smiled back contently, his pale fingers sifting through the soft strands of Uruha's hair affectionately in his best attempt to help soothe the human through his touch.

"It's strange," the vampire whispered, "I can't seem but be this way with you." he mused, his fingers brushing over Uruha's cheek for a fleeting moment. He referred to this gentleness, this oddly deep amount of affection and care that he was coming to enjoy so much. 

Uruha closed his eyes and just savored the sweet, gentle touch that brushed onto his face. He smiled weakly once more and look towards Gackt's hand. "I find it strange that I feel the same way. Nobody's really come this close to me... figuratively and literally speaking," the boy admitted bitterly, letting out yet another one of his cute, child-like laughter. 

"I'll assume somehow that makes me a little bit special, then." Gackt teased, though inwardly he could feel part of him once again wanting to act on his impulses. He had to remind himself that this was a lot different than last night when Uruha had been intoxicated.

"Are you starting to like it?" he questioned, tilting his head, "Having me be close to you." 

"I suppose," Uruha answered, "I wouldn't let you this close if I didn't." Again, the boy doesn't know the repercussions of his words, but then again, this might lead into something he likes.

At that he reached for Gackt's hand on his face and put over his own. "See? I kinda feel a bit weird, but it feels really nice." At his own words he blushed, immediately taking his hand away. 

Gackt nodded, words lost on him for a moment. It was difficult, trying to resist someone who could do something so small as touch his hand to create a wealth of sudden tension within the vampire's body.

"What about this?" Gackt questioned, moving just a little bit closer, leaning in to brush his lips softly over Uruha's, "Strange but nice?" he teased softly, though clearly he took his action very seriously. 

As his whole body was already rendered weak by his hangover, Uruha didn't have any time to avoid Gackt's kiss, again incurring a myriad of emotions from within him. Yes, it was strange, very, very strange, and again his pride was shouting how disgusting it was to be weak enough to be kissed by another male. But then, it was also very nice, that small action brought good shivers down his spine.

Uruha simply stared wide-eyed at the other, plush lips partly open. 

Those posts are whipped for about less than 10 minutes each. And then we have this (I'm not fixing that anymore, if you wanna read it for yourself then download it here):

We sat at the end of a full table with several of her friends, who she introduced to me. I forgot all their names as soon as she spoke them. They seemed impressed by her bravery in speaking to me. The boy from English, Eric, waved at me from across the room.

It was there, sitting in the lunchroom, trying to make conversation with seven curious strangers, that I first saw them.

They were sitting in the corner of the cafeteria, as far away from where I sat as possible in the long room. There were five of them. They weren't talking, and they weren't eating, though they each had a tray of untouched food in front of them. They weren't gawking at me, unlike most of the other students, so it was safe to stare at them without fear of meeting an excessively interested pair of eyes. But it was none of these things that caught, and held, my attention.

They didn't look anything alike. Of the three boys, one was big — muscled like a serious weight lifter, with dark, curly hair. Another was taller, leaner, but still muscular, and honey blond. The last was lanky, less bulky, with untidy, bronze-colored hair. He was more boyish than the others, who looked like they could be in college, or even teachers here rather than students.

The girls were opposites. The tall one was statuesque. She had a beautiful figure, the kind you saw on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, the kind that made every girl around her take a hit on her self-esteem just by being in the same room. Her hair was golden, gently waving to the middle of her back. The short girl was pixielike, thin in the extreme, with small features. Her hair was a deep black, cropped short and pointing in every direction.

And yet, they were all exactly alike. Every one of them was chalky pale, the palest of all the students living in this sunless town. Paler than me, the albino. They all had very dark eyes despite the range in hair tones. They also had dark shadows under those eyes — purplish, bruiselike shadows. As if they were all suffering from a sleepless night, or almost done recovering from a broken nose. Though their noses, all their features, were straight, perfect, angular.

But all this is not why I couldn't look away. I stared because their faces, so different, so similar, were all devastatingly, inhumanly beautiful. They were faces you never expected to see except perhaps on the airbrushed pages of a fashion magazine. Or painted by an old master as the face of an angel. It was hard to decide who was the most beautiful — maybe the perfect blond girl, or the bronzehaired boy.

They were all looking away — away from each other, away from the other students, away from anything in particular as far as I could tell. As I watched, the small girl rose with her tray — unopened soda, unbitten apple — and walked away with a quick, graceful lope that belonged on a runway. I watched, amazed at her lithe dancer's step, till she dumped her tray and glided through the back door, faster than I would have thought possible. My eyes darted back to the others, who sat unchanging.

"Who are they ?" I asked the girl from my Spanish class, whose name I'd forgotten.

As she looked up to see who I meant — though already knowing, probably, from my tone — suddenly he looked at her, the thinner one, the boyish one, the youngest, perhaps. He looked at my neighbor for just a fraction of a second, and then his dark eyes flickered to mine.

He looked away quickly, more quickly than I could, though in a flush of embarrassment I dropped my eyes at once. In that brief flash of a glance, his face held nothing of interest — it was as if she had called his name, and he'd looked up in involuntary response, already having decided not to answer. My neighbor giggled in embarrassment, looking at the table like I did.

"That's Edward and Emmett Cullen, and Rosalie and Jasper Hale. The one who left was Alice Cullen; they all live together with Dr. Cullen and his wife." She said this under her breath.

I glanced sideways at the beautiful boy, who was looking at his tray now, picking a bagel to pieces with long, pale fingers. His mouth was moving very quickly, his perfect lips barely opening. The other three still looked away, and yet I felt he was speaking quietly to them.

Strange, unpopular names, I thought. The kinds of names grandparents had. But maybe that was in vogue here — small town names? I finally remembered that my neighbor was called Jessica, a perfectly common name. There were two girls named Jessica in my History class back home.

"They are… very nice-looking." I struggled with the conspicuous understatement.

Descriptions, what the fuck. DAMMIT, I WRITE BETTER THAN HER! THE AOI/URU FIC WRITERS I FOLLOW WRITE BETTER THAN ME, AND WAY BETTER THAN HER!

I'm betting the fic writers for Twilight write way better than SMeyer. OR ELSE WE'RE FUCKING DOOMED.

Okay I'll stop now because I'm virtually screaming at you people and that's not good for my heart. I shall make myself happy by going over jrockyaoi or aoi_x_uruha at LJ and maybe I'll find something to calm myself with there.

And please don't bitch to me about how big-headed I sound. I know in all honesty that I'm nowhere near a good writer but at least I am a decent writer. Allow my current RP to explain itself (partner's is in italics):

There was this nostalgic air as Chika-chan took his first steps into the most popular amusement park in all of Japan. When was the last time that he came to this place? When he was a kid? When he was on his first date? Never at all? He had to chuckle. It really didn't matter whether or not he did set foot on this place before, what mattered is that he was here to unwind. To take his mind of the atrocities that he has done for the past few days, even just for this weekend. That he was as normal as those kids, parents, teens waving their cameras all over the place to take pictures of the rides, almost everything that their eyes had set upon, and of course themselves (with the exception of the strangers, of course).

Chika-chan made his way towards the empty bench just around the corner, clutching on the fancy looking camera dangling on his neck. Finally he could take his latest baby for a spin. How many people did he have to swindle again for him to have this DSLR? The young man would've taken the time to count, but he was more occupied in trying to get the thing to work already.

People always took photographs of whatever took their interest -- a certain weird object on some large museum, the setting sun from outside a car window, perhaps even a lone red balloon floating around in contrast to the azure sky. Other people also took other people's interest, but out of decency (shame?) and politeness (aversion to embarrassment?), it is seldom for them to take another person's picture. Unless they're photographers of course; they can easily tell their victims that they are photographers, and then comes flattery and all that crap, all for the love of one lousy picture.

Sawachika Yoshiki didn't concern himself of those things.

And finally he was pointing the camera to not-so-random directions, clicking away to those that caught his attention -- to be specific, people. Some ignored him. Some tried to ignore him, and he would respond to that with a sweet smile because really, he didn't look that suspicious and they'd forgive him for it anyway. So far nobody had approached him and told him to stop because it was annoying, rude, or any similar excuse because deep down inside they wanted to get their pictures taken anyway. People are just vain creatures.

And then this certain person caught his eye; a small smile tugging at the end of his lips as he stole a photograph.

Shouji didn't even know why he was in Disneyland, actually he hated Disney with all its fake crappy stories and horrible lines. The only good movies were the classics but even then they were pretty bad. He liked the original version of Alice in wonderland where everything is more nostalgic, not all happy and fairy tales. He couldn't smoke in this area either, bummer, he really wanted some Seven Star cancer stick. Raising a brow he saw a little kid fall on his face, stiffening a laughter, he didn't laugh because it was 'cute' he laughed before the kid just ate it and began to cry.

Kids..the one thing he vow never to ever have unless his female partner is nagging him like crazy. Tipping his moss blue fedora forward while running his hands along it's tiger print rim he glanced to another side to see what else people were doing. He saw teenagers with families with sour expressions, little children crying because they want expensive cotton candy, parents wearing goofy looking outfits and other parents were trying to keep their babies from crying while being in the arms of someone in a costume so large that he's surprised they didn't fall over because of the weight of the mask.

Shou-kun wrinkled his nose while passing by a stand of deep fried Twinkies in 'America land'. Seriously...that was fucking disgusting. Who the hell fries Twinkies of all things and it's deep fried as well. He won't be surprised of a overweight family all bought sixteen of those heart killing consumer products and died on the spot. Shuddering at it's grotesque appeal he even felt a heart burn coming on from just smelling the substance. Turning around to hold his breath, his moved his blond bangs to the side and grinned. There was a rather large, large candy store in the center of his pathway, a odd choice to put a candy shop there but hey, he's not complaining. Walking in as casually as possible, he didn't mind people staring at him, he was used to being 'good looking'. Fixing his blazer that had the same tiger rimmed print and white dress shirt untucked and slightly wrinkled, Shouji picked out a very large, overly priced lollipop that had nearly every color of e rainbow harden into the cavity creating monstrosity.

"550 yen?" Shouji blinked and began to pull out his wallet. Fucking 550 yen? You can buy Joon-Kyu's takoyaki balls for the same price, that is 6 takoyaki compared to this massive lollipop. Handing the cashier the yen, Shouji lifted the corners of his mouth to flash her a very flirtatious smile. The cashier, dressed in a strip apron and a white two piece suit, without a blazer, blushed and nearly tipped over the cash register. Her fellow workers snickered at the near accident as she looked down while handing him the change.

'That was fun....now why was I here?" He began to hit the side of the large rainbow pop at the side of his cheek. His phone suddenly vibrated in his straight jeans. Pulling out a dainty and long red cell phone his face automatically went grim. He remembered why he was there, one of his outside host club clients decided he wanted to do some kinky shit in disneyland. ..and now that damn bastard canceled on him! How dare he! 

Shouji wasn't a fucking call buddy that would be okay wasting about 68 usd on ONE ticket and not get paid. He is not part of the Blueboy service. To hell with the client. He texted back a very haughty sms message while ending it with 'and you can take that and shove it.' Shoving his cell back into his jeans he began to rip of the plastic and lick it slowly, trying to calm himself down. He didn't notice the people around him, noticing him like the pop in a very sensual way. Walking down the 'street' the man realized he was being watched. Halfway licking the pop he stopped and turned around to see someone familiar yet unfamiliar. He didn't know him but seen him around. Shouji just waited, he wasn't he type to make the first move at all and this man didn't really appeal to him that much so what was the point of chasing the unwanted.

Indeed, the whores were the most interesting to watch. Whores, not the camwhores or attention whores or whatever is defined by the word figuratively; rather, the literal. They blended in perfectly with society, maybe even had decent jobs in the morning, but for today, simply walking around Disneyland alone, with a lollipop in hand, shoving it to his mouth oh-so-seductively once every second. Looking down on his camera, Chika-chan was quite pleased with what he achieved with his amateur photography skills -- the man looking straight at him with those rebellious eyes, as if to tell him to fuck off or something similar. A low chuckle passed those thin lips; judging from the way the blond shoved his phone back to his pocket, things weren't going his way. Amused, Chika-chan's mind even considered going on ahead and ask what was wrong, if there would be anything he could do for the poor boy, but decided against it. They weren't really close anyway, even if Chika-chan could recognize his face (and from the looks of things, it was the same for the other).

But then Chika-chan always had that impulsive streak within him.

As he made his way towards the blond, he tried thinking of possible things to say. Since they were practically acquainted with each other anyway, maybe he could strike the other with something conversational, starting it with the word 'hey.' No, that just wouldn't do. He'd probably get shoved off or something since that isn't the best thing to say when somebody's pissed off. Ask 'how's it going' wouldn't do either -- even if Chika-chan would be asked something like that, he'd just probably shrug and walk away.

For a moment he stopped in his tracks and giggled inwardly again. What the hell was he doing all this for anyway?

With a shrug he finally came up to the blond, giving him a sweet smile. "Excuse me," he started politely; the smile that he wore ever so inviting, "I just wanted to say sorry if I offended you in taking your picture. Would there be anything I can do to make it up or something?"

He was running in circles, that he knew, but he just wanted to see how the other would react. Of course it was all for his amusement.

Shouji noticed the photographer snapping a few picture.s How rude, he should get some of the profit too if he was going to be used as a manikin. Licking his lollipop most savagely he turned around so the man couldn't get a piece of his face. Her ears perked up as it took note of a gruffly and dry voice behind him. The man was apologizing for taking the picture without his permission. thats was start..he didn't feel like breaking someone's pretty little...nikon? Canon? He can't tell the difference with cameras but they should be expensive. Laying he lollipop against his lips softly the mocha eyed emerald contact wearing man blinked twice to see what his next move should be.

Shrug him off because one, Shouji is still mad or two greet him because hes seemed familiar. this 'top' whore shouldn't make more enemies, of course because allies are better then friends who are better then enemies.

"No I'm not offended." A lie. "I'm just used to having people gawk over me through a lens. Usually I'm serving them some beverages," alchoal. "Or something close to that to people who gawk at me." 

He really wanted to smoke but knew he would get caught if he did. Stretching he thought over the man's proposal before grinning a silly and stupid grin.

"But if you insist...you can treat me to lunch and we and discuss what to do with the photo." He was flirting..slightly. Shouji was gonna see if this fine man can replace his client out of sheer anger.

Although his brows quirked, Chika-chan still had that smile on his face. He had to admit this person was interesting enough -- never restricted with the societal norms. Norms such as don't be an ass on the first meeting, don't impose on strangers who are only being nice to you, and, of course, don't shamelessly flirt on the first conversation. Of course being in a crime organization meant they were exempted from those norms, but still; this was an amusement park for normal citizens, and even the likes of them were to act... well, normally. Then again, they had their different, shall we say, jurisdictions, so it was rather understandable. This one had to be assertive and this sensual, Chika-chan had to blend in any kind of environment. The only common ground to them is that they dress rather differently compared to most around , but they look pretty anyway in their intricate outfits, so that's no problem at all.

"That's good then, I'm glad you're not mad or anything," but he could obviously right through the blond's contact-lensed eyes. Reading other people is also included in his job description, after all, and it amused him all the more that he was getting to know Yakuza's top whore even better. "I'm afraid I'm not anybody professional... so rest assured your picture won't get published anywhere you wouldn't want it to be."

The young man turned from the other and started to take a few steps before looking back, beckoning at the blond. "Well, I still owe you anyway. I know a place where they have a pretty nice steak, but it's outside Disneyland... a few blocks from here if I'm not mistaken. We'd have to walk for a while, but only if it's okay with you." Chika-chan really wouldn't mind spending a bit for today -- hell he'd never really cared about spending anyway -- not when he has an interesting individual to study.

If you can write better than that then you may bitch. I shall acknowledge you properly then. Don't bitch to me though if you're just gonna glorify other people, because I already know others are better than me.

*runs off to read BETTER written yaoi fics nao*