A World Within Her Dreams

There are things not meant for mortal eyes. Online playground of a twisted soul. The fantasies of a little girl, all in one place. You have been warned.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Philippines License.

This blog and everything in it is my property otherwise noted. Read this disclaimer before anything else. I don't force you to read or agree with what I put or write here, so if you see something you don't like, you are more than welcome to close this window. Of course if you do see something you like, you're not allowed to copy, reproduce or take it without my consent—a simple tagboard message about it will do. Break these simple rules and you'll prove yourself to being the biggest ass in the world.

And please bear with the grammatical and typographical errors here. If there's one thing I hate aside from math and glue is copyreading, proofreading, or anything that has to do with checking whatever I've written, really.

The Unwakeable Dreamer

ユキ. Cattleya. Chantal. 17. Taurean. Vain. Narcissistic. Fangirl. Dreamer. Devious. Childish. Clumsy. Has an incredibly short attention span. Stubborn. Misunderstood. Roman Catholic. 大日本異端芸者; the GazettE worshipper. Undisputed HYDEist. Yaoi. Incest. Artist. Writer. Web/graphics designer. Otaku. RPer. Certified fangirl. Worth $2,135,822. II - ICTM. Hates Loathes anything Korean and hiphop.

Current Desktop

Yume no Naka's Perfect Moment

32nd layout of Yume no Naka. Features HYDE and his lyrics. Shades of blue, pink, white and lavender. Used Adobe Photoshop CS2 as the image editor. Coding was made on Notepad. Div layers. Some elements might not be compatible with IE. Best viewed in Mozilla Firefox with a 1024x768 screen resolution. Go to past layouts?

Resources for this layout were from the following: Cbox, Colorfilter, DaFont, iMood, Miss M, Photobucket, Selphie's World, Tabulas, and Tenshi no Koe.

And no, as much as I want to be, I am not associated with the sexy man in this layout. I am merely a fan and this is my expression of adoration to him.

Tagboard

Link exchanges

Blog Crews

Okay, so I'm doing a year-ender special too. I'm still ranting about piss though.

Well yesterday after going to Saint Claire's Monastery (or whatever it's actually called), we went to SM Centerpoint to buy some fruits and stuff. After having lunch there, of course, I had to go to the washroom. The lady before me in the line, well, she annoyed me a bit because she was tying her hair up and her hair almost got all over my face. Nothing suss, I tell myself (WTH I'm using Aussie slang now xD). She got in, got out, and annoyed me the second time because she just had to show me that she flushed, meaning, it was still flushing when she got out. I dunno about you guys but I wait until the toilet water's all clean before stepping out of the cubicle. So yeah, I got in next, and whoop-dee-frickin'-do, there was a bit piss on the rim of the toilet bowl. Good thing I asked my mom for tissue before I went to the washroom. It was just... downright disgusting.

Okay, end rant, START SRS BZNS.

2008... hmm. I can't say I liked the year very much. Perhaps I'm only saying this because towards the end of the year, that's when so many things came crashing down. Still, I'm not crying because it happened, I'm ROFLMAOing because it's over. (Yeah, cheap use -- rather, misuse -- of corny quote.)

A lot's happened, though. At the start of 2008 I had the same image as the year before, still resolved to keep my hair long because, you know, girls like their hair long. Couldn't care less about clothing and would put on whatever's handy, though still arriving late at class. Still an anime/manga lover, obsessing over HYDE for all the wrong reasons, but never delving much into J-music. A rather normal otaku, I have to say.

At the middle of the year I got back into writing, RPing to be exact, got to write out some awesome characters (and sometimes I ask myself, why can't I be as [insert awesome adjective here] as my [insert character name here]?), made new OL friends making friends online is awesome. Got even more into yaoi, perhaps a little too much, but all's well that ends well. Received a LOT of blessings, too. Plus, this is when I started obsessing over oshare kei, got my hair cut, and suddenly changed into SUPAA KAWAII VEEKAY LOVAA DESU YO. And then there was the sudden pride due to being a past EIC in my high school's newspaper, all because it had 'The' and 'Gazette' too. If you didn't get it, I'm talking about my ZOMGZFANGIRLIIIING over the band the GazettE. Also started appreciating music a bit more.

And then crash and burn -- enter mild depression, self-pity due to self-analysis, and a whole lot of comparing and envy, most specifically in writing. So many wrong things happened, starting with the death of my iPod, ending with my failure (literally, LOL). Regardless, some things managed to keep my sanity and emotions intact, like being able to write some yaoi stories which, surprisingly, other people actually like, and the new community I belong to.

Above all else, I started feeling His presence a little bit better, though I have to confess I don't read the Bible on a daily basis xD

So many things happened, I can't possibly enumerate everything in here. There was the image change, the new obsession (and going through some heights for that obsession -- talking about spending thousands for a mere magazine, people), gain and loss of friends. Shit happened, and when I say that, I really mean serious shit. Maybe not to me, but to those whom I hold dearest. If I had the choice, I'd like to have started with everything bad towards everything good, December to January. But of course, He had His plans.

Suddenly there's just less than five hours until the new year. It's just another day, really, but once the second hand moves away from twelve, you know there's no coming back. Within that second, you can safely recall things and say, last year was this and that. And now I'm just rambling.

DAMN IT ALL I HATE FIREWORKS. THOSE HELLISH USELESS NOISE POLLUTERS SHOULD BE BANNED. Or at least, the Philippines should invest in quieter and prettier fireworks, like the ones in Japan. Did you know I have a hatred towards fireworks? Now you know. And I can't counter it because neither my Gazette or 12012 or Maximum the Hormone music aren't nearly as loud or annoying as that. Maybe for Mom, it is.

Now to resume headbanging to Zetsubou Billy, because I just learned how awesome MtH is.

Then sometimes it strikes~

UGH. GTFO my f-list. Dammit dammit dammit. I need a new layout so I wouldn't have to deal with this crap... and how exactly I would accomplish it, is all to myself. Yeah so I'm blabbing, but what do you care, srlsy.

Oh, new accounts, new accounts. Add me up if you want, but there's no assurance that I'll add you back. I'm serious.

Plurk: plurk.com/kyouki
MSN: yukichuu@live.com

There.

Dammit if you write, could you please stick to one language? And a language you're very familiar with, not something you can barely use properly? English grammar, motherfucker, do you know it?

Sometimes things just go...

(...you know...)

All that crap aside, I'd just like to say sorry for not visiting my links/f-list, I've just been that fucked up. Regardless, here are just some sites/accounts that you can visit/add/stalk me with:

Multiply: 「disorderHEAVEN」 - chantalnanoda.multiply.com
MySpace: myspace.com/yukichuu
Facebook: e-mail used - spammage[at]black-cherrie.org
Friendster: friendster.com/chantalette
Plurk (never on, hence the 0.00 karma, though I just wanted to add): yukichuu

New Y!M ID: xx_yukichuu
MSN: yukitenshi_kanna@hotmail.com (I might be changing this in a while, I'll keep you posted)

I need people to talk to me and maybe just be, you know, friends, but with the last sentence of my Colorgenics profile, I can't say I'm sure about that.

Regardless, I do have some things to smile about. Like the fact that my aunt's Christmas present for my is my Heresy fanclub membership, and some time this week I'll be receiving two more Neo Genesis magazines featuring, of course, Gazette.

I'm alive, yes.

Hello Yume, I've decided to give you some meaningful content tonight. Not that I've been giving you some meaningful content before, but I just suddenly figured I couldn't keep myself occupied for the next thirty minutes or so while Tenka Daiboso converts to iPod format. Yeah, pretty much that.

Well anyway, hello everyone. I know I haven't been blogging nor Plurking lately (really, blame RPing and Multiply for that) and that my LifeStatus says I'm already dead. It won't make anybody feel better to say that I've stopped Plurking altogether and that I took a leave at Lielos, since now I'm too occupied in reading jrock yaoi fics. And getting frustrated in trying to make some as well.

So, some updates, updates.

First and foremost I'd like to inform everyone that I've changed my hair. It's not a fail Bou hair anymore, but it's an Uruha-Aoi hybrid. Why is that? Well, I had it cut and colored like Uruha's hair, but the end result looked more like Aoi's RCE look, only a lot lighter. Everybody (who knows of my obsession with Uruha) thinks that it does look like his cut though, especially when I had it waxed and styled. I didn't feel much remorse about cutting quite a lot of hair, even when as a kid I really wanted to have really long hair. Says a lot about my personality, that is, I'm very spontaneous and impulsive with my decisions. Most of the times it bites me in the ass, but for this time, I'm really content with it. Besides, I look so badass in it, that when I wear corporate attire I really do look like a professional and when in ragged clothing I look... well, badass.

And now I have developed a liking to what I call Erik's emo glasses, because really, they look like the emo glasses emos and wannabes use. Reason is because people think it looks really good on me, and really I think so too, but the only thing ruining everything up was my braces. Now I feel like Uruha in that... I think it was the Zy:Zi shoot.

Yeah, well, before the hair thing there was my braces first. Why did I get braces in the middle of the term, you ask? Well, actually I was supposed to get them after college, due to my mom's warped thinking. Why she didn't think of letting me get braces when I was still in high school, I have really no idea why, but I won't let her ruin my after-college image. So I had it done now, since I really don't want to graduate with these on. Although I have to say I have a better excuse to smile more, because my teeth don't look as awkward when they have something on them.

Then suddenly I just felt like complaining about life even though I'm pretty much living a princess' life, because I'm a brat like that. The thing is, because I've been getting it easy lately, I kinda feel bored. Well sure I get thrilled when I read and write, and when I'm at school it's not really boring but there are times that I feel like there's something missing. The rain didn't do me any good as well, which is why I've been getting my emo moments lately.

My conclusion is that I'm feeling like this because I'm single. For me it seems like a pretty logical explanation although I'm not quite sure how to explain it, really. Not that I'm looking, although I give my closest friends the hint that I really do want a boyfriend. The thing is I don't really know where to look, and I'm sure as hell it's not in uni. So now I pretty much left it all to the Big Guy, but I just can't help being whiny. Yeah, I'm insatiable like that, I know. I have The Butterfly Effect to blame for that too.

And then suddenly something really scary happened, I think this was last Tuesday. On my way home I decided to ride a pedicab because I brought Uru (URUHA-II, people) with me because I found him quite heavy. So I got home and went straight to my FL in LJ, and saw in one of the gazette_media updates that NHK (probably) is going to televise Gazette's Burst Into A Blaze concert on the ninth of November, from 7 to 9 PM. I just had to mark it on my calendar, so I dug into my bags to find Holly-chan (phone, if you don't remember). Then I realized he was gone, and I was just stunned but shaking a bit. I called my number for so many times, and somebody does answer but they don't speak. All I heard were background noises. Of course I started to cry and told Mom everything. To make the long story short I was able to contact my phone and finally somebody talked on the other line. I got my phone back but we had to pay a thousand bucks to the one who found it lying on the streets near St. Scholastica's College (how it got there, I'm just not sure). Well it's a pretty cheap deal for something that costs around $430. So now I swear I'm gonna take really good care of my stuff, because really, I'm one careless person. Just ask my relatives.

So that kinda made me think, was that the punishment for feeling uncontented even though I pretty much have everything I need and want? Before the Holly-chan incident I was convinced that these two are very much different -- wanting a boyfriend is something emotional and having stuff is very much material(istic). But the incident made me realize that even though they're two different things, I still don't have the right to complain. After all, I can't have everything. This feeling of emptiness will pass, just as it has always, and I should consider myself really lucky already because at least I have the things I need, and that I can still sleep well. Bottomline is, don't complain.

Well anyway, going back to The Butterfly Effect. TBE is an awesome Australian rock band Angel introduced me to, because their songs pretty much define what Kiyoumi (Kiyomine x Kumi, to those who have forgotten) is. Their music is awesome, but they're so awesome I had second thoughts of talking about them in here, because really, I kinda feel possessive about them. Actually I'm still having second thoughts, but since I've mentioned them already, I think that's it. I'd fangirl, but I don't feel like fangirling for them at the moment. So just check them out, especially the song Room Without A View and Final Conversation. Angel made a fic around RWAW, but I haven't caught her online, and I'm not sure if posting her fic here is alright. On the other hand, I made a fic too, but based on FC. To read it, go to http://yukitenshi.net/uploads and click on Final Conversation.doc. Oh, by the way, the JPG there is actually a drawing based on RWAW, which I asked Cam to make.

Another band is Cog, but for some reason I can't seem to like them. Okay, actually I don't like them because the vocals is just not my taste. They're kind of awesome, I have to give them that though. Maybe I should just listen to them more often?

Oh, before I forget, I should share to you about the dream that I had Friday last week. Knowing me, it shouldn't really be surprising, but quite frankly I was shocked that I had a Kai dream. No, not a Gazette dream but just a Kai dream. I know I dreamt of a lot more things that night/morning but what retained in memory is my Kai dream. So here's how it went. I was in school one day (it was more like a high school setting) and suddenly we had guests coming in. The class was bored as hell but I immediately fangirl'd when I learned that it was actually Kai visiting. He came to my classroom together with his manager I think and conducted something like a press release, so some reporters came in too. Nobody except for me and around 3-4 people actually listened to the interview, but frankly, I was just waiting for it to finish so I could get close to Kai somehow. So the interview was finished, and thankfully somebody asked if we could get Kai's autograph. So the manager-person agreed, but told us that the autograph signing would be made outside. Again thankfully I brought with me my Neo Genesis mag and that's where I was gonna have him sign. I was the last in line and finally I got my turn with Kai, and I had him sign on the page with his photo on it. I was really excited and went (more like stuttered), "Anou, Kai-san, will Gazette be conducting a concert after Burst Into A Blaze 2008? I mean, on April next year or something?" I was really stuttering and shaking and smiling like an idiot that time, but Kai just smiled and then said (in really cute Engrish), "Ahaha, I'm just not sure." Then I went, "When would you be able to know?" Then he pursed his brows but thankfully not in annoyance and then replied cheerfully again, "Haha, maybe I should just call you back?" Of course that meant that he doesn't know, and that I would never know the schedule for their concert (of course unless I checked the Gazette OHP). But I didn't feel bad at all (like I probably would, IRL) and very grateful that Kai even talked to me. Seriously, ILY Kai, dream world or not.

What else? (Actually Tenkai Daiboso is finished, now I'm converting 18+ episodes of Ouran to iPod format, so I still have a lot of time, LOL.) Oh yeah, I had a lot of awesome Adobe programs installed on Uru. He's got PS CS3, Dreamweaver, and Flash, and a lot of awesome stuff. Bad news is, I think he has some viruses, which makes me want to reformat him, but the thing is I'm too lazy to do so. Maybe after the term or when MySQL finally crashes him or something. Hosting a website on your machine is such a pain, not to mention incurs blood loss and brain damage, at least that's how it seems to me. Sir Oli was scaring the shit out of me when he told the class how sensitive a program MySQL is.

Well that's pretty much it. Pictures... well it'll come later when I'm not feeling too lazy. Seriously though, I wish I'd be able to blog more. I really thought I'd be able to be more active here since Uru came (you don't know how much those two words make me LOL right now), but on the contrary. Hopefully I'd be able to make Yume that layout already. Swear I won't frolic during my breaks and maybe practice hermitism, if there's such a word.

Apparently, there is.

Oh, haha. Thank you Ruki.

http://black-cherrie.org

here xD

WHAT NOW BITCHES.

♥